It is okay to make blunders because that is how you become better. How do we help children grow from failures?

A significant part of education lies in how we, as adults, manage mistakes and provide children with the opportunity to learn from them.Overprotecting them or fixing every issue on their behalf robs them of the chance to grow and become independent.How can we help them learn from their mistakes and cultivate a growth mindset that contributes to developing essential skills for our children’s long-term success and happiness?.

From the moment they come into the world, we love our children unconditionally and support them as they learn to sit up, crawl, and stand; we guide them in making friends; we teach them how to write their names; we comfort them whenever they get hurt and soothe each bruise.Our list includes numerous ways to nourish, support, teach, and care for our children.However, even though it may seem uncomfortable for some, children also need learning opportunities.Making mistakes is a way to become confident, capable, happy, and successful.

When we believe we are making mistakes, we discover how not to do things.And not only that.

Consider the following example: a child argues with a friend.Even though it is unpleasant, children learn to reflect on their own actions, manage their emotions, understand the other’s perspective, solve problems, and make compromises.

If parents are quick to resolve these issues, children miss the opportunity to develop critical skills that arise from learning from mistakes or failures.Moreover, children who are not given the chance to struggle or fail or to understand what happened tend to have low self-esteem.These children are more likely to fear failure and be less willing to try new things, simply because they do not know how they will fare.

Social and Emotional Skills

When children are given the opportunity to make mistakes, they are allowed to develop social and emotional skills.Of course, you should not jeopardize their safety or neglect to provide support when encouragement is needed.However, the role of parents should be to support and guide rather than do for them what they need to learn to do themselves.Because when things don’t work out or they face a challenge, children have the opportunity to develop their coping and resilience skills.Coping skills are like muscles; we do not know how strong they really are until we need to use them.

Making mistakes is normal.Redefine failure!

It is normal to make mistakes or not achieve all the goals we set for ourselves.However, how we perceive failures affects how we will manage those situations in the future.Understanding mistakes as opportunities from which we can learn – rather than seeing them as failures – can help us feel capable and in control.

Redefining mistakes can help us manage future errors more effectively.As parents, we can assist children in figuring out how to approach mistakes constructively.By openly discussing our own mistakes regularly, children will learn that mistakes are learning opportunities rather than things to be ashamed of.

How to Help Your Children Learn from Mistakes

Allowing children to fail is not always easy for parents.The family we grew up in and cultural influences have impacted how easily or not we can navigate this issue.Some of us grew up in families where learning from mistakes was an everyday occurrence, while others did not have opportunities to fail.Fortunately, you do not need to create these scenarios; they exist in everyday life.Here are some examples:

When a child asks for help. Give the child time to try to solve the situation on their own and even time to make mistakes.Whether it’s tying shoelaces or doing homework, the following response is perfectly valid: ‘Try to do it yourself first, and if you can’t, I will help.’ Another option is to offer to do it together.If the child is still nonverbal, explain their actions in words so they can begin to learn the process.For example, when a child reaches out to be picked up, you should say: ‘It seems like you want to be held.I will hold you for a few minutes, and then we will walk side by side, holding hands.’.

When a child is curious. A common parental instinct is to respond immediately when a child asks a question, but it is better to let them discover on their own first.You can supplement the information they discover with what you know, but do not serve everything on a platter. Curiosity is the engine that will help them seek answers in adult life.Start by asking what they think or what they found in their search.Then you will know where to start and how to support them as they discover the answer.If they make a mistake in seeking an answer to their question, support them as they experiment, let them make mistakes, and discover why they were wrong.You may not have time for this process every time, but it is invaluable when you do.

When something goes wrong. Maybe they are arguing with a friend or lying, or they accidentally break a neighbor’s window.Instead of telling children how they should fix what they broke (the friendship or the window) or handling it yourself, first ask them how they think things should be fixed.You can ask: ‘How do you think your friend feels? Why do you think they feel that way? What can you do to change that? Why do you think lying is a problem? What might happen because of the lie? How can you solve this issue?’ Allowing children to reflect on what they did wrong may mean more time until the situation is resolved, but that time is invaluable for them to figure out how to address mistakes.Because while they do this, they are also developing their self-confidence, self-concept, and moral reasoning that comes from apologizing to the neighbor and seeking solutions to correct a mistake.

When your child is not performing as well as you expected. From low grades to a defeat in soccer, life can be full of disappointments and failures.Instead of focusing on a fixed indicator of success, such as a grade or a victory, it is better to reflect together on what the children did, where they excelled, as well as the things they learned.We live in a culture where a red dot, a golden star, or a FB grade has become common – and even expected – when children participate in an activity, regardless of the effort put in.What they take away after the activity is over no longer interests anyone.nor whether they made mistakes while being awarded.Their personal development and achievements should be what we are more concerned about, rather than the mistake or failure itself or praise.Encouraging them to keep going and to do better should be our goal.We should have them explain to us what they learned from what they did and how they plan to approach such tasks on their own next time.

How to Transform the Shame of a Mistake into Learning Opportunities for Children

Transforming the shame caused by a mistake into learning opportunities for children is a delicate process that involves emotional support and guidance.Here are some ways that parents or educators can help children overcome shame and learn from their mistakes:

1.Normalizing Mistakes.

Explain to children that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process.Tell them that everyone makes mistakes, including adults, and that each mistake is an opportunity to become better.

Example: ‘It’s normal to make mistakes when learning something new.That’s how we learn to do things better next time.’.

2.Encouraging a Growth Mindset.

Teach children to see mistakes as an opportunity to improve their skills, rather than as a personal problem.This helps them realize that effort and perseverance are the keys to success.

Example: ‘This mistake shows you what you still have to learn.With a little practice, you will succeed.’.

3.Separating the Mistake from the Child’s Identity.

Help the child understand that making a mistake does not define them as a person.It is important to separate behavior or actions from self-worth.

Example: ‘Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’re a bad child.It’s just a situation where you made a wrong choice.’.

4.Discussing the Mistake in a Calm and Constructive Way.

Approach the child’s mistakes without making them feel ashamed or guilty.Instead, discuss what happened and how they could act differently in the future.Be calm and empathetic.

Example: ‘Let’s see what happened and how you think you can do it better next time.’.

5.Providing a Personal Example.

Share your experiences where you made mistakes and how you learned from them.Children will learn that mistakes are part of the growth process and that they can learn from them.

Example: ‘I made a mistake when I tried to do this for the first time.I felt frustrated, but then I tried again and succeeded.’.

6.Praising Effort and Progress.

Instead of focusing solely on the outcome, encourage effort and progress.Appreciate the child’s repeated attempts and determination to learn from mistakes.

Example: ‘I’m proud of you for not giving up and trying again!’.

7.Creating a Safe Environment for Making Mistakes.

Create an environment where children feel safe to make mistakes without fear of severe criticism.Such an environment will help them open up and learn more effectively.

Example: ‘We are all here to learn.It’s okay to make mistakes because that’s how we get better.’.

By applying these strategies, children will learn to manage shame in a healthy way, develop emotional resilience, and view mistakes as an essential part of the learning process.